Like most mom’s who work I fantasize about staying home with my peanuts. Taking a walk in the afternoon with the baby and the dog picking up the big kid, having meaningful and thoughtful conversations about how school went. I understand that it’s nowhere near this angelic but a girl can dream right?

Our idea for this blog was simple, use it as a diary and sounding board for our own mommy woes. However, as we were discussing the purpose of this blog the idea of spotlighting other mom bloggers or mom creatives who help(ed) us during our darkest mommy hours seemed to be a reoccurring thought (for me at least!). Starting next week if we can find a willing participant we will be doing just that.

I know they’re out there because among the some odd new 100 followers my Instagram has there are so many momma’s!

Which brings me to my point of this post we all have moments where we need support, I hope that we can be that port in the storm. We understand that we can’t always speak to everyone’s situation but maybe we can connect you with someone who can!

-T

If you look at my Facebook page, you’ll see lots of statuses about how much I love my daughter- and more than anything on this earth, I do. You’ll see pictures of us smiling and playing, you’ll see a clean house in the background and you’ll see humorous posts about motherhood and my relationship. The highlight reel.

But what I, along with many others, don’t show.. is reality.

Right this second, my reality is listening to “Bob Zoom” play on Netflix for about the 100th time, there are toys on the unvacuumed floor, my baby is asleep in my arms and I’m sitting here, quiet, wishing I had the energy to clean the house, wondering if I made her feel loved enough today, read enough books to her, played enough… quietly thinking about the groceries we need to get and the bills that need paid, and whether or not I make the man I love so deeply- know just how deeply he is loved.

My life is not perfect… and that’s okay. Because I love it anyway. I love every crazy, exhausted second of this beautiful life.

So here’s to the imperfect moms who are doing the very best we can in this crazy, wonderful life.

Being a mom, for me, has been a lot about “having it all together”. Sometimes I feel like I do, sometimes I really wish I did, and most times- I pretend to. I think it’s pretty common to feel like you’re the only mom in the world who doesn’t “have it all together”, but trust me, you’re not. You are not the only mom with toys scattered amongst the living room floor, lacking the energy to follow your child around and pick them up. You’re not the only mom that sometimes orders dinner instead of cooking. You’re not the only mom that cannot possibly stand to watch Moana even one more time… but then you do. You’re not the only mom that frantically googles everything under the sun. You’re not the only mom who doesn’t feel like “herself” since becoming a mom- because your body is different and the bags under your eyes just won’t go away. You’re not alone, mama. So to you, I raise my six times microwaved cup of coffee that is still, somehow ice cold- and say, “same, girl.”

I laid my brand new baby down and snuck off to the bathroom to shower for the first time in days. Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of the stretch marks, soft belly, and loose skin than now lay where my abs used to be. I see how wide my hips are and am reminded of the jeans that no longer fit me. I look at my chest and recall the perky days I left behind. I finish my shower and lay in bed with my sweet baby, smiling in her sleep. How could I ever be upset that my body has changed? How could I ever hate the body that was a home for 40 weeks to the best thing that has ever happened to me? These stretch marks and extra pounds are here because I grew a human being and my body continues to nourish her, even after birth. Our bodies are amazing and deserve to be loved. We must love ourselves and teach self love to these beautiful little humans our bodies made. 💛

I’m welcoming myself to a club that probably exists but I don’t know where the meetings are held, and even if I did I’d probably be late or miss the meeting altogether!

Am I the only one who feels like the standards for Motherhood have somehow gotten so high that they are unreachable?

I’d love to be the stay at home mom with the magical amounts of time to breastfeed the baby, spend appropriate time with the big kid, make my man happy, make wholesome good tasting meals everyday for lunch AND dinner, blog about it, and run a successful apparel shop.

However, let me be REAL real with you…. I’m not that woman described above. I am a former single momma working a solid 40 hours a week, pumping every three hours to sustain my four month olds eating habits while I’m working, telling my man that I’d love to stay home if he can magically make twice as much money, and sending my 3rd grader to school with “chocolate sammies” because I don’t have the energy to argue that Nutella is not actually healthly.

So, here’s my declaration: Hello, my name is Tiffany and I’m a Hot-mess. But I swearing I’m trying not to be!

I say all of this with so much honesty that I’m hesitant to post it. Right now I’m keeping an eye on the home made pizza with string cheese stuffed crust, while the baby cries because weekends are for being connected to me (of course!), my big kid is down the street helping her friend clean her room, and the dog is looking at me like “shouldn’t you be doing something about all this”.

Until next time friends!

T!

I’m snuggled into my big chair with my tiny Guy. A relief after the hustle of leaving work, breastfeeding the baby, showering the big kid, creating this blog, dinner for the grown ups, having this blog spied on by the big kid, and finally bed time for the big kid(s).

Whoo!

The silence of the house filling me thoughts some joyful some a bit sad. Over the past year so much has changed. The big kid is in a new school and walks to school without me (what what!). Mom has moved out of my basement replaced by my handsome GuyFriend. I have a dog. Oh, and no small feat a tiny little Guy who it seems was the piece of my puzzle I didn’t realize I was missing.

While I still have the same desk jockey job, I had FOUR whole months off (thanks to a mental breakdown at the end of my pregnancy), and amazingly got 14 weeks granted and paid by my employer to properly bond with my new human.

Now, being back at work for a whole 3 days I’m already starting to feel the prickly feeling that all I want is to be holding/staring/feeding/playing with my little Guy. I’m not sure there’s any reality in writing about the mundane and sometimes hysterically hip-happenings of our lives as employment but I’ll take advantage to, if nothing else, show the world from my (limited) scope for my own embarrassing reflection later. Later of course being the day that I put stock in a blog name I took to mean fresh and shit.

For fun I’ve included my big kid being caught checking out the “first post” on this very blog while she should have been brushing her hair.

Goodnight y’all!